Starbucks is playing nice.

Having recently partnered with AT&T, Starbucks is doing something generous and long overdue.

Free WiFi (with a small catch).

If you buy a Starbucks Card (or already happen to have one since they are the universal gift of every holiday where you have to give a lot of things to a lot of meaningless people), you can register it online. Once you register you are part of the “Starbucks Rewards Program” where you get some perks.

They send you a free drink. (Correction: Not send you the drink. Send you a coupon for a free drink.) You get free modifiers to your drink whenever you use the card. You don’t have to pay extra for things like soy milk and fancy flavors. The best part is that you get free AT&T wireless internet in every Starbucks location, which means anywhere you happen to be.

I know I’m taking them up on the offer. Thanks, AT&T, for knocking some sense into Starbucks. Maybe you aren’t so horrible after all.

You say ‘hand shaken’ and I hear ‘blah’.

Yesterday I saw a commercial for a “hand stirred” fruit milkshake smoothie of some sort new at Wendy’s. As someone who’s worked at Starbucks (albeit happily) for much longer than intended, I’ve seen plenty of the “hand shaken” or “hand stirred” nonsense. Why do advertisers see it as such a great selling point at mass produced locations?

First off, it’s Wendy’s for goodness sake. While the company probably encourages excellence and performance, it’s still fast food. It’s still food that you can drive up to a window and receive in less than three minutes. It’s food that has been demographically selected and manufactured for the entire nation to enjoy at every Wendy’s location on every street corner from the ghetto to the suburbs. You aren’t getting personal or gourmet.

Second off, the people making these things don’t have the expertise and aren’t given enough money to care about shaking, stirring, or whatever is required of them. When it comes down to it, time is everything. The faster you get your food, the happier you are. Managers know it. Employees know it.

Third, and most relevantly, having worked in semi “fast food” and been given instructions on “hand shaken” beverages, I know that it means squat. Starbucks is higher quality than most places out there, but we still take quite a liberty with those personal touches to your drinks. If we ring 30 transactions a half an hour on an average day, that’s at the very least 30 drinks, more realistically beyond double that. Yes, your drink will be made well, I can promise you that, but those fancy personal touches that are advertised aren’t always part of the process.

Now step it down to real fast food like Wendy’s. Don’t even think that they are going to take the time out to do anything personal to your beverage, except spit in it if you piss them off.

Here’s the long and short of it: Unless you are paying top dollar from a restaurant or professional, “hand shaken” means nothing.